domingo, 23 de fevereiro de 2014

At first, this blog was created to write a little bit about my personal life, but it's better if no one understands what is going on here. I'm going to write down here just about random thoughts that have been on my mind, things that come up and no one will ever understand if I tell so. And I would rather write in English because most of the times I can express myself better in this language, not sure why. The only thing that is a sureness is that I hate being surrounded by people and feel alone. That's the worst feeling ever.
(I deleted all the old posts because there was no reason to leave them here). 
A couple months ago, I met a guy through an app that matches communication between mutually interested users. We txtd for a long time (about a month) and we decided to meet each other in person, so then he invited me out for a dinner. I can tell ya, I enjoyed a lot, he was really kind and nice to me. We talked about a lot of stuffs; crazy fact is that since we added each other on social networks and started to txt, we couldn't stop talking! There were so many subjects to talk about. So some weeks after we went out for a dinner, he invited me to go to his house to watch a movie (Project X). I had fun talking to him again and watching the movie :) So time flew by and I decided to go home because I had a test prep for college on the next day. He came along till half of the way (by subway). What a surprise when we made out on a station... (!!!!!!!!)
So then, we couldn't stop texting each other. Like, all the time. Daily, we would wake up talking to each other, and sleep talking to each other. We would eat and txt at the same time. We would go to a party and txt each other. I couldn't miss a day without talking to him. Indeed, we were (at least I was) addicted to  conversations between us, because somehow, that made me feel so good. I can't even explain. He had turned one of my good friends, someone who I would always trust.
Quickly, after all the meetings (including the day we spent a whole day together drinking beer after my college prep test and the day he came to my house and got to know my mom), he invited me every other week to sleep over his house. We watched a lot of movies together, slept together, cuddled together and yeah.. I started to like him not only as a friend. But as someone I couldn't live without anymore. 
We got to lead this life as a couple for about two months. On Feb 16th, I was on my pms mood and got really upset with everything, and actually, got even more upset thinking about the possibility of him leaving me. February 18th, after getting out from college, he txted me in a weird way "I need to tell you some things. Could we meet each other somewhere Saturday or Sunday?" In that time, everything passed through my head. I even thought he would ask me to date him or something. Perchance, all I actually thought was that he would break up with me. My world turned upside down. I got home and asked what he wanted to tell me, and yeah. He broke up with me. Through txt. 

I could't believe on what was going on. Everything was driving me crazy, all I would do was trying to understand why he had done that to me. I would think, think, think, re-think, think again.. and think. I brought my thoughts to an issue: I couldn't reach a reason to explain everything.